I don't know why.
I've got it so bad.
But somehow I got.
Out of a fry'n pan.
...What I want to know is ...
Are you, are you the one
As the song goes through my head I ask myself what is all the hang up with looking for the one. For most of my adult life and probably whilst growing up I have been looking for 'the one', and with every twist and turn of my pretty un-fulfilling love life building the expectation into an unachievable/unrealistic fantasy.
The night I told Bob I thought he was the the one was the end of our relationship - yes we dragged it out for another month maybe two but it was never the same. As the relationship deteriorated before my eyes, my heart crumbled into a million pieces and I eventually accepted that he was in love with someone else I swore I would never fall in love again. What a load of bollocks - there is no such thing as 'the one'.
But as it happens he was the one. The one who crushed my fantasy, who tipped me over the edge and left me to free fall in to a world where I am learning to love and respect myself, to let go of my hang ups, face and deal with my issues. During the past year and bit there have been other ones - ones that have loved me unconditionally and supported me, ones who have picked me up from the gutters of Thailand, ones who have held my hand down the road of self and sexual discovery and ones who have made me smile inside and out.
So I haven't given up - I'm still looking for the one. Everyday some 'one' who can show me and share with me love , joy , passion, laughter and themselves which I in return can share with another some 'one'.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Breaking the connection
Have you ever walked into a room and straight away said to yourself 'that person is meant to be in my life'?
Sometimes they find you but in that instant you're hooked, must know everything they are, have been and can be in the future. That connection so quickly made yet so hard to break.
It's happened to me quite a few times, more than I probably care to admit, yet looking back you can remember the exact point your spirits touched and the connection was made.
Now I could tell tales about falling, stories of love, lust, happiness and heartbreak, talk at length about frustration, disappointment and unconditional love but that's not the point..... there comes a time when the connection just has to be broken and those involved cut free of the bindings holding you and/or them down. But how is it done? And how do you know when it's time ?
Sometimes they find you but in that instant you're hooked, must know everything they are, have been and can be in the future. That connection so quickly made yet so hard to break.
It's happened to me quite a few times, more than I probably care to admit, yet looking back you can remember the exact point your spirits touched and the connection was made.
Now I could tell tales about falling, stories of love, lust, happiness and heartbreak, talk at length about frustration, disappointment and unconditional love but that's not the point..... there comes a time when the connection just has to be broken and those involved cut free of the bindings holding you and/or them down. But how is it done? And how do you know when it's time ?
Letting go
It's written in the stars - Ghaz writes 'For you dear Pisces August is all about letting go'. But this I already know. July threw up a few little lessons and this time I listened.
The major realisation (and you guys probably already knew it) is it's not the bad shit that holds you back and prevents you from moving forward and reaching your full potential (in fact I'd go as far as saying that the bad stuff only moves you on faster) but - IT'S THE GOOD STUFF!!!
There are a couple of ways to look at it, but it's mainly driven by fear - a whole heap of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).
Whether it was a relationship, a well paid job or an amazing night life; things have changed and you are no longer in the same place. Those 'good' situations came to an end for a reason but we only remember the best parts. I guess it's like child birth - you try telling the mother that it was hideous experience of your life so far. But if you stop and have a real good think about how it really was at that time of your life ... you'll see the cracks. So move on, move up, take the good parts and inject them into your new exciting adventure - the rest of your life.
The major realisation (and you guys probably already knew it) is it's not the bad shit that holds you back and prevents you from moving forward and reaching your full potential (in fact I'd go as far as saying that the bad stuff only moves you on faster) but - IT'S THE GOOD STUFF!!!
There are a couple of ways to look at it, but it's mainly driven by fear - a whole heap of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).
Whether it was a relationship, a well paid job or an amazing night life; things have changed and you are no longer in the same place. Those 'good' situations came to an end for a reason but we only remember the best parts. I guess it's like child birth - you try telling the mother that it was hideous experience of your life so far. But if you stop and have a real good think about how it really was at that time of your life ... you'll see the cracks. So move on, move up, take the good parts and inject them into your new exciting adventure - the rest of your life.
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